Down Inside Yourself

Do you ever sink "down inside yourself?" Boy, I sure do. All kinds of experiences, hard and wonderful, can trigger heavy feelings of sadness, grief and loss. We most often associate painful experiences as a trigger for our sorrows. However, having a positive experience of deep connection with a friend or loved one triggers elation while you are together and can also serve to intensify our sadness on the tail end when a special time together comes to a temporary or permanent conclusion. 

Singer and songwriter, David Wilcox, first coined this phrase for me. This describes very well what it can feel like for us when these feelings are deeply affecting us. To be down inside yourself can mean that you are devoting some much needed and overdue attention to your inner life. It can also mean that big unexpected feelings have surfaced and you are feeling pulled under by the weight of them. 

David Wilcox has a talent for skillfully articulating deeper rhythms and experiences of the inner life. He would readily share that his guitar has been a tool for him to explore and excavate the inner rumblings of his own heart and soul. We need tools, like a guitar, to help us attend to our inner life. As my friend Alex shares often, "we need to feel felt."

These lines in "Down Inside Yourself" resonate with me and I am able to connect with them...and I begin to feel felt. 

"Help me shake this nightmare
The funk has found my heart
I need to move my spirit
But I don't know where to start
I need to fill this empty
But I can't find the missing part
I'm just down inside myself"

Music and Art can be such helpful tools for helping us access our hearts and to illuminate our own experience. The artist brings their inner experience to the surface and gives us the opportunity to find solidarity with what is an innately human experience.  

At our core, though, we desperately need others, and sometimes very specific others, who can listen and be curious with us. To share about being "down inside myself" is awfully risky because we step out into vulnerability and invite another person to see and hear us. Shame, at least the toxic brand, tells us to remain in secrecy, silence and maybe even judgement. 

​Let's resist the temptation to isolate by leaning into vulnerability which inevitably can lead to connection. Maybe we need to connect more intentionally with our partner or spouse, or reach out to a trusted friend. In many cases, it might be helpful to sit with a trained professional who can offer us non-anxious space to explore our inner life while offering us their curious, warm and empathic attention. 

Let's listen to David's song below and continue reading on...

Here are some common obstacles people face when scheduling their first counseling appointment to attend to their inner lives. 
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1. Stigma Around Mental Health: Fear of judgment or feeling weak often prevents people from seeking help. Societal or cultural norms may discourage therapy.
2. Financial Concerns: Counseling can be expensive, and not everyone has insurance or the financial means to afford it. High costs deter many from scheduling an appointment.
3. Uncertainty About the Process: Many people feel overwhelmed because they don’t know what to expect in therapy, which leads to hesitation.
4. Time Constraints: Busy schedules or conflicting commitments (e.g., work, family) make it hard to find time for regular sessions.
5. Fear of Vulnerability: Opening up about personal issues can be intimidating. People often worry about being judged or feeling exposed.
6. Difficulty Finding the Right Therapist: It can take time to find a therapist that feels like a good fit. This process can be daunting, leading some to give up before even starting.
7. Belief That Problems Aren't "Serious Enough": Some people downplay their struggles, believing they should be able to handle them on their own, or that their issues aren’t “big enough” for therapy.
8. Lack of Immediate Results: People may be discouraged by the realization that therapy takes time, and they might hesitate to invest in something that doesn’t offer quick fixes.
9. Accessibility: Geographic location or lack of transportation can be barriers for those in rural areas or without easy access to counseling services.
10. Fear of Change: Therapy often brings about personal growth and change, which can be scary. People may fear confronting uncomfortable truths or making significant life adjustments.

These factors can combine to make the first step of scheduling a therapy appointment feel like a significant hurdle for many.

​May you take notice of when you are "down inside yourself" and offer yourself the gift of feeling felt. Reach out and connect to someone. If we can help you get connected to a counselor at Elbow Tree who will offer you this kind of helpful space, don't hesitate to reach out. 
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​Turn here. You are worth it!

The best email to use when attempting to schedule with an Elbow Tree counselor is [email protected].