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  • Home
  • Our Team
  • Our Story
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    • Our Offices
    • Third Spaces
    • Our Collection
  • Our Approach
    • Christian Counseling
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    • Our Pricing
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Reflections for the inner life.

What are some "fair fight rules" couples can use to cultivate healthy conflict resolution?

7/16/2023

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"Fair fight rules" are guidelines that couples can adopt to promote healthy and constructive conflict resolution. These rules create a framework for communication that encourages mutual respect, active listening, and a focus on finding resolutions rather than escalating conflicts. Here are some "fair fight rules" couples can incorporate:

  1. Use "I" Statements: Express your feelings and needs using "I" statements rather than attacking or blaming your partner. For example, say, "I feel hurt when you interrupt me" instead of "You always interrupt me and never listen."

  2. Practice Active Listening: Give your full attention to your partner when they are speaking. Avoid interrupting, and show empathy by paraphrasing their words or asking clarifying questions. Repeat back what you heard to ensure understanding.

  3. Take Turns Speaking: Create space for both partners to express their thoughts and feelings. Take turns speaking and actively listen without interruption. This allows for open and respectful dialogue, preventing a one-sided or heated exchange.

  4. No Name-Calling or Insults: Avoid using derogatory language, insults, or name-calling during conflicts. These behaviors escalate tensions and damage the trust and respect within the relationship.

  5. Focus on the Issue, Not the Person: Keep the discussion centered on the specific issue at hand rather than attacking the character or personality of your partner. Separate the behavior or action from the person, allowing for a more constructive conversation.

  6. Take Responsibility for Your Actions: Acknowledge your role in the conflict and take responsibility for any mistakes or miscommunications. Apologize when necessary and work towards finding a resolution together.

  7. Time-Outs for Calm Down: If emotions run high and the discussion becomes heated, agree to take a break or a "time-out" to cool down and regain composure. Set a specific time to reconvene and continue the conversation in a more constructive manner.

  8. Seek Compromise and Win-Win Solutions: Approach conflicts with a mindset of finding a resolution that benefits both partners. Look for compromises and win-win solutions that meet the needs of both individuals rather than seeking to "win" the argument.

  9. Use "We" Language: Emphasize the idea of being a team and working together to resolve conflicts. Use "we" language to promote a sense of unity and collaboration. For example, say, "How can we find a solution that works for both of us?" instead of "You need to do what I want."

  10. Practice Emotional Regulation: Learn to manage your emotions during conflicts. Take deep breaths, use self-soothing techniques, and communicate assertively rather than aggressively. Avoid letting anger or frustration control your responses.

Remember, implementing "fair fight rules" requires both partners' commitment and effort. Regular practice and open communication can help couples create a safe and respectful environment for resolving conflicts and strengthening their relationship.
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What are some practical tools I can utilize when I'm overwhelmed with anxiety?

7/16/2023

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When feeling overwhelmed with anxiety, practicing mindfulness can be a helpful tool for grounding yourself in the present moment and managing distress. Here are some specific mindfulness skills you can utilize:

  1. Deep Breathing: Focus on your breath as it enters and leaves your body. Take slow, deep breaths, feeling your abdomen rise and fall with each inhale and exhale. This simple technique can help calm your nervous system and bring your attention to the present moment.

  2. Body Scan: Close your eyes and bring your attention to different parts of your body, starting from your toes and gradually moving up to your head. Notice any sensations, tensions, or areas of discomfort without judgment. The body scan helps you connect with your physical experience, promoting relaxation and awareness.

  3. Grounding Techniques: Engage your senses to anchor yourself in the present. Notice five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This exercise helps redirect your attention away from anxious thoughts and into the immediate environment.

  4. Mindful Observation: Choose an object in your surroundings and observe it closely. Pay attention to its color, shape, texture, and any other details. Engage all your senses in this observation, fully immersing yourself in the present moment and redirecting your focus away from anxious thoughts.

  5. Nonjudgmental Awareness: Practice observing your thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations without judgment. Allow them to come and go, acknowledging their presence without getting caught up in their content or evaluating them as good or bad. Cultivate a compassionate and accepting stance toward your experiences.

  6. Self-Compassion: Offer yourself kindness and understanding when anxiety arises. Acknowledge that anxiety is a normal human experience. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would extend to a friend facing similar difficulties. Remind yourself that you are doing your best in managing anxiety.

  7. Mindful Movement: Engage in mindful movement practices such as yoga, tai chi, or walking meditation. Pay attention to the sensations, movements, and breath as you engage in these activities. They can help promote relaxation, body awareness, and a sense of grounding.
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Remember that mindfulness is a skill that takes practice. Start by incorporating these techniques into your daily routine, even when you are not feeling overwhelmed. Over time, with consistent practice, you can strengthen your ability to utilize mindfulness skills effectively during moments of anxiety. If anxiety persists or significantly interferes with your daily functioning, consider seeking support from a mental health professional for additional guidance and assistance.
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What are the benefits of Christian integration and mental health counseling?

7/14/2023

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Christian integration in mental health counseling refers to the incorporation of Christian principles, values, and beliefs into the therapeutic process. It recognizes the importance of spirituality and faith as integral aspects of an individual's well-being. Here are some potential benefits of Christian integration in mental health counseling:

  1. Holistic Approach: Christian integration in counseling acknowledges the interconnectedness of an individual's mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual aspects. It recognizes that addressing spiritual concerns and incorporating faith can contribute to overall healing and well-being.

  2. Meaning and Purpose: Christianity provides a framework for understanding life's purpose, meaning, and values. By integrating Christian principles into counseling, individuals can explore and align their beliefs with their personal goals, finding guidance and direction in their journey toward mental health and personal growth.

  3. Supportive Community: Christian integration in counseling can foster a sense of belonging and provide access to a supportive community. Engaging with like-minded individuals who share faith and values can offer encouragement, understanding, and opportunities for spiritual growth.

  4. Moral and Ethical Guidance: Christian integration in counseling can help individuals navigate ethical dilemmas and make decisions aligned with their Christian values. It can provide a moral compass and support individuals in living a life consistent with their beliefs, contributing to a sense of integrity and personal fulfillment.

  5. Coping and Resilience: Christian integration can provide individuals with a source of hope, comfort, and strength during times of adversity. Drawing on biblical teachings and faith-based resources, individuals can develop coping strategies, resilience, and inner peace when facing challenges and setbacks.

  6. Forgiveness and Healing: Christianity places emphasis on forgiveness, both of oneself and others. Integrating Christian principles in counseling can facilitate the healing process by exploring forgiveness, reconciliation, and letting go of resentment or guilt, leading to emotional healing and restored relationships.

  7. Integration of Faith and Mental Health: For individuals with a strong Christian faith, the integration of their religious beliefs with mental health counseling can create a sense of coherence and harmony. It allows them to reconcile their spiritual beliefs with the therapeutic process, enabling a more comprehensive approach to their mental health and well-being.

It's important to note that the benefits of Christian integration in mental health counseling may vary depending on an individual's personal beliefs, values, and the therapist's approach. It is crucial to find a mental health professional who is trained and experienced in Christian integration and whose approach aligns with the individual's preferences and needs.

Ultimately, Christian integration in mental health counseling offers an opportunity for individuals to explore the intersection of their faith and mental well-being, seeking a deeper understanding of themselves and finding support within their spiritual framework.
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Is it unethical to allow parents to schedule counseling appointments for adult children?

7/14/2023

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In most cases, it is considered unethical for a mental health professional to allow parents to schedule counseling appointments for their adult children without a signed release of information. Here's why:
  1. Confidentiality and Privacy: Mental health professionals have a duty to protect their clients' confidentiality and privacy. Without a signed release of information, therapists are bound by legal and ethical obligations to maintain the privacy of their adult clients and keep their therapeutic sessions confidential.
  2. Autonomy and Informed Consent: Adult clients have the right to make decisions about their own mental health care. Involving parents in the counseling process without the client's consent undermines their autonomy and right to self-determination. It is crucial for the client to actively participate in their therapy and have a say in who has access to their confidential information.
  3. Trust and Therapeutic Alliance: Building a trusting and therapeutic alliance between the client and therapist is essential for effective counseling outcomes. When parents schedule appointments without the client's involvement, it can compromise the trust and rapport that needs to be established between the client and therapist. It may create a sense of intrusion or violation of boundaries, which can hinder the therapeutic process.
  4. Legal and Ethical Considerations: Mental health professionals are bound by professional codes of ethics and legal regulations that govern their practice. These guidelines emphasize the importance of confidentiality, informed consent, and respecting the autonomy of adult clients. Allowing parents to schedule appointments without proper consent violates these ethical and legal obligations.
However, there may be exceptions to this general rule in certain circumstances, such as when the client has a legal guardian, when there are safety concerns, or if the client specifically requests parental involvement. These situations would typically require appropriate documentation, legal consent, or a discussion between the client, therapist, and potentially, legal professionals.
It is important for mental health professionals to carefully navigate these ethical and legal considerations and prioritize the well-being, autonomy, and confidentiality of their adult clients.

What does a counseling release of information allow parents of adult children to do on their behalf?

A counseling release of information, also known as a consent form or a HIPAA release, allows parents of adult children to access certain information and be involved in their child's counseling process. The specific permissions and limitations granted through a release of information can vary depending on the content of the form and the laws of the jurisdiction. Here are some common aspects typically covered by a release of information:
  1. Communication with the Counselor: A release of information allows parents to communicate directly with their adult child's counselor. This can include discussing the client's treatment progress, sharing relevant information, and asking questions about the counseling process.
  2. Access to Records: With a signed release of information, parents may have access to their adult child's counseling records, which may include intake forms, treatment plans, progress notes, and other relevant documents. This allows parents to stay informed about their child's therapy and the issues being addressed.
  3. Involvement in Treatment Decisions: Depending on the extent of the release, parents may be able to participate in treatment decisions, such as being included in discussions about goals, treatment approaches, and potential interventions. This involvement can help parents provide support and contribute to their adult child's mental health care.
  4. Financial Matters: In some cases, a release of information may include consent for parents to handle financial matters related to their adult child's counseling. This could involve billing, insurance claims, or other financial aspects of treatment.
NOTE: It's important to note that the release of information typically has limitations. For example, the form may specify a time frame during which the release is valid or limit the information shared to specific topics or providers. The exact details and permissions granted are typically discussed and agreed upon between the client, their parents (if applicable), and the therapist or counseling agency.
It's crucial to consult with the therapist or counseling agency regarding their specific policies and procedures for releases of information, as they may have additional requirements or limitations based on legal and ethical guidelines. Ultimately, the release of information allows parents to be involved in their adult child's counseling process within the boundaries agreed upon by all parties involved.

If you have any questions regarding this specific issue, do not hesitate to contact Hayne Steen at hayne@elbowtreeflorida.com. 


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Exploring the Transformative Power of EMDR Therapy: A Pathway to Mental Health Healing

7/14/2023

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In recent years, the importance of mental health has garnered significant attention, with a growing number of people seeking effective and innovative therapies to overcome emotional traumas and psychological challenges. One such therapeutic approach that has gained prominence is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy. Developed in the late 1980s, EMDR has emerged as a powerful technique for addressing various mental health conditions, including post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety disorders, and depression. In this blog post, we will delve into the mental health benefits of EMDR therapy and explore how this unique approach can facilitate healing and personal growth.

Understanding EMDR Therapy:

EMDR therapy is an integrative psychotherapy model that combines elements of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), neuroscience, and bilateral stimulation to help individuals process and resolve traumatic experiences and distressing memories. The approach was initially developed by Francine Shapiro, who observed the natural healing potential of eye movements in reducing the intensity of negative emotions associated with traumatic memories.

The Therapy Process:

During an EMDR session, a trained therapist guides the individual through a structured series of steps that involve recalling distressing memories or triggering events while simultaneously engaging in bilateral stimulation techniques. This can include eye movements, taps, or auditory cues. These bilateral stimulations are thought to facilitate the reprocessing of traumatic memories and promote adaptive information processing within the brain.

​Mental Health Benefits of EMDR Therapy:
  1. Effective Treatment for PTSD: EMDR therapy has been extensively researched and recognized as an evidence-based treatment for PTSD. Studies have shown that EMDR can significantly reduce the symptoms of PTSD, such as intrusive thoughts, nightmares, and emotional distress. By reprocessing traumatic memories, EMDR allows individuals to develop a healthier perspective and integrate the traumatic experiences into their overall life narrative.
  2. Resolving Anxiety Disorders: Anxiety disorders, including panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and social anxiety disorder, often stem from unresolved traumatic experiences. EMDR therapy helps individuals process the root causes of their anxiety, reducing the intensity of triggering stimuli and promoting emotional resilience. It enables individuals to confront their fears, reframe negative beliefs, and cultivate a sense of empowerment and self-efficacy.
  3. Overcoming Depression: EMDR therapy can be a valuable tool in the treatment of depression, particularly when it is related to past traumatic events or negative life experiences. By targeting the underlying traumas, EMDR assists individuals in reframing negative beliefs, rebuilding self-esteem, and fostering emotional healing. Through the reprocessing of distressing memories, individuals can develop a renewed sense of hope, purpose, and motivation.
  4. Enhancing Self-Insight and Empowerment: EMDR therapy not only focuses on symptom reduction but also facilitates personal growth and self-discovery. The therapeutic process often uncovers deep-rooted beliefs and patterns that contribute to emotional distress. By examining and reevaluating these beliefs, individuals gain insight into their own thoughts, behaviors, and emotions. This increased self-awareness empowers individuals to make positive changes, develop healthier coping mechanisms, and cultivate a more fulfilling life.
  5. Rapid Results and Lasting Effects: EMDR therapy is often praised for its efficiency and effectiveness. Compared to traditional talk therapies, EMDR can produce rapid results in a relatively short period. Furthermore, the positive effects of EMDR are generally long-lasting, with many individuals experiencing sustained improvement even after completing therapy. This makes EMDR an attractive option for those seeking transformative and lasting changes in their mental well-being.
EMDR therapy offers a promising pathway to mental health healing, allowing individuals to process traumatic experiences, reduce distressing symptoms, and cultivate resilience and empowerment. By harnessing the brain's innate capacity for adaptive information processing, EMDR therapy enables individuals to release the grip of past traumas and embrace a more hopeful and fulfilling future. If you are struggling with the aftermath of trauma or seeking personal growth, EMDR therapy may be a valuable tool in your journey toward mental health and well-being. Remember, seeking the guidance of a trained and licensed EMDR therapist is essential to ensure a safe and effective therapeutic experience.

If you'd like to explore meeting with an EMDR therapist at Elbow Tree, email us at turnhere@elbowtreeflorida.com or call us at (904) 559-1944. 


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The Therapeutic Benefits of Surfing

6/1/2023

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Surfing, the popular water sport, offers numerous mental health benefits. Here are some of the positive impacts it can have on mental well-being:
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  1. Stress Reduction: Surfing provides an opportunity to disconnect from daily stressors and immerse oneself in the present moment. The combination of physical activity, rhythmic movements, and the calming effect of the ocean can reduce stress levels and promote relaxation.

  2. Increased Mindfulness: Surfing requires focused attention on the present moment, including reading waves, balancing on the board, and navigating the ocean. Engaging in this mindful awareness can help quiet the mind, improve concentration, and promote a sense of clarity and mental calmness.

  3. Mood Enhancement: The physical activity and exposure to natural elements while surfing can stimulate the release of endorphins and other mood-boosting neurotransmitters. This can lead to a sense of euphoria, increased happiness, and an overall uplift in mood.

  4. Connection with Nature: Surfing allows individuals to connect with the beauty and power of nature. Being in the water, feeling the sun on the skin, and hearing the sound of crashing waves can create a sense of awe and serenity, promoting a deeper connection to the natural world.

  5. Mind-Body Integration: Surfing involves coordinating physical movements with the rhythm of the waves. This integration of mind and body fosters a sense of flow and harmony, enhancing body awareness, balance, and coordination. It can contribute to an overall sense of well-being and self-confidence.

  6. Social Support and Community: Surfing often creates a sense of camaraderie and community among surfers. Engaging in the sport with others can lead to meaningful connections, social support, and a sense of belonging. The shared experiences and common passion for surfing can foster friendships and a supportive network.

  7. Resilience and Mental Strength: Surfing challenges individuals to face fears, overcome obstacles, and adapt to changing conditions. The process of learning and improving in surfing builds resilience, self-efficacy, and mental toughness. It can enhance one's ability to cope with adversity and develop a growth mindset.

  8. Mental Relaxation and Escape: The combination of being in the water, engaging in physical activity, and focusing on the waves allows individuals to experience a mental break from daily concerns and pressures. Surfing can provide a sense of escape and rejuvenation, offering a temporary respite from the demands of everyday life.
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It's important to note that while surfing can offer mental health benefits, it is not a substitute for professional mental health care. If individuals are struggling with significant mental health issues, it is recommended to seek guidance from qualified mental health professionals.
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How can couples develop a healthy strategy for sharing in household responsibilities?

5/1/2023

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Developing a healthy strategy for sharing household chores and responsibilities is an important aspect of maintaining a harmonious and equitable relationship within Christian couples. Here are some suggestions for fostering a balanced approach:

  1. Open Communication: Effective communication is key. Couples should openly discuss their expectations, preferences, and concerns regarding household chores. Establish a safe space for open dialogue, actively listening to each other's viewpoints and finding common ground.
  2. Shared Responsibility: Recognize that household chores are a shared responsibility. Approach chores as a team effort rather than assigning tasks based on gender stereotypes. Acknowledge that both partners contribute to the home and should share the workload accordingly.
  3. Identify Strengths and Preferences: Discuss each other's strengths and preferences when it comes to specific tasks. Consider dividing chores based on individual skills and interests. For example, one partner may excel at cooking while the other prefers doing laundry. Capitalize on these strengths to create a more efficient and enjoyable division of labor.
  4. Flexibility and Compromise: Be willing to adjust and accommodate each other's schedules and responsibilities. Life can be unpredictable, and there may be times when one partner needs more support due to work demands, health issues, or other circumstances. Flexibility and compromise help maintain a sense of fairness and understanding.
  5. Create a Chore Schedule: Collaboratively create a chore schedule that outlines who is responsible for specific tasks and when they are to be completed. A schedule provides clarity, accountability, and helps prevent resentment or confusion. Be willing to revise the schedule periodically as needed.
  6. Equal Value for All Tasks: Avoid valuing certain chores more than others. Every task contributes to the smooth functioning of the household. Acknowledge and appreciate each other's efforts, regardless of the specific chore. Express gratitude for the contributions made by your partner.
  7. Reassess and Adjust: Regularly reassess the division of household chores to ensure it remains fair and balanced. Life circumstances and responsibilities may change over time, requiring adjustments to the chore distribution. Continually evaluate and modify the strategy as needed.
  8. Seek Spiritual Guidance: Involve God in your discussions and decision-making processes. Pray together for wisdom, patience, and a loving approach in managing household responsibilities. Seek guidance from trusted mentors or pastoral leaders who can provide biblical insights and perspective.
Remember, the goal is to foster an environment of mutual respect, collaboration, and support within your Christian relationship. By working together and maintaining open communication, couples can develop a healthy strategy for sharing household chores and responsibilities that aligns with their unique dynamics and strengthens their bond.
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What are some tips and tricks for feeling stuck when making a life changing decision?

4/1/2023

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Feeling stuck in a "double bind" when making a decision can be challenging and overwhelming. Here are some tips and tricks to navigate through this situation:
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  1. Seek Clarity and Identify the Conflict:

    Take a step back and clarify the specific conflict or dilemma you are facing. Clearly define the different options or factors that are pulling you in different directions.

    Write down the pros and cons of each option to gain a better understanding of the potential outcomes and consequences.

  2. Reflect on Your Values and Priorities:

    Consider your core values and priorities in life. Reflect on what truly matters to you and how each option aligns with those values. 

    Rank or prioritize your values to help guide your decision-making process. This can provide a framework for evaluating the options and identifying which ones align more closely with your core principles.

  3. Seek Input from Trusted Others:

    Reach out to trusted family members, friends, or mentors who can provide an outside perspective and offer insights. They may provide different viewpoints or shed light on aspects you may have overlooked.

    Be selective in whom you consult, ensuring they have your best interests at heart and can provide objective guidance.

  4. Consider Potential Outcomes and Long-Term Implications:

    Visualize the potential outcomes of each option in both the short and long term. Consider the impact on your personal growth, relationships, and overall well-being.

    Evaluate the risks, benefits, and potential consequences associated with each choice. Consider both the immediate and long-term implications to make a more informed decision.

  5. Embrace the Art of Compromise:

    Explore potential compromises or middle-ground solutions that may address elements of both options. Look for creative ways to integrate different aspects or find alternative approaches that satisfy multiple concerns.

    Brainstorm and consider alternative perspectives or solutions that may break the "either/or" mindset and provide more flexibility in decision-making.

  6. Trust Your Intuition:

    Pay attention to your gut feelings and intuition. Sometimes, our instincts can guide us towards the right path. Trust yourself and listen to your inner wisdom, even if it goes against rational analysis.

  7. Set a Time Limit:

    Avoid prolonged indecision by setting a reasonable time limit for making the decision. Giving yourself a deadline can create a sense of urgency and help prevent overthinking or analysis paralysis.

  8. Embrace Imperfection and Learn from Experience:

    Remember that no decision is perfect, and it's normal to feel some level of uncertainty. Embrace the fact that making choices involves some level of risk.

    Recognize that decision-making is an ongoing process. Learn from your experiences and use them to inform future choices. Trust that even if a decision doesn't work out as planned, you have the ability to adapt and make adjustments along the way.

Remember, making decisions can be challenging, but trust in your ability to navigate through difficult choices. Practice self-compassion, be patient with yourself, and know that ultimately, you have the power to make choices that align with your values and bring you closer to your goals.
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This Is Madness

2/14/2022

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by Alex Vis, LMHC

Not long ago I became certified in Anger Resolution Therapy. Several conversations with fellow “Peacemakers” led to an increased curiosity about my own relationship and history with anger. I was fairly disrupted to find I am more familiar than I had would have admitted. The more I leaned into my story, the more I understood how my personality has been shaped by anger. The more I sat with others, I began to realize the profound impact anger can have on a person’s life. I’ve seen careers fall apart, families dissolve, and trust decimated. I spent time wrestling with questions about anger. And I started to become skeptical that I could look at our daily experience and not find people injuring each other as a reaction to life’s disappointments.


It’s a complex issue, though, this anger deal.

As a therapist, I have come to believe that emotions themselves are not bad, but indeed they are a gift. They help us make sense of our surroundings, connect with others, and protect us from dangers. It’s easy, however, to understand how anger could be swept into its own category as the one to be wary of. It’s just too dangerous.
The problem I had is that this way of thinking is too rigid. I’m too curious to let myself stay scared of something, especially when I can admit that the fear comes from a lack of understanding. So it was time to learn.

The primary objective of the training I received was to be able to help people understand that, as the curriculum stated several times, “It is not our situation that causes an emotion, but what we believe to be true about the situation that causes the emotion.” (i.e. (1) When that girl doesn’t text you back within 20 minutes, you may not be angry because of the lack of response. You may assess that the delay speaks to the level of interest she has in you. (2) When your employee shows up late again, or does a poor job on his presentation, your anger may be more connected to a belief that this is heading towards termination, which would require you to work harder and spend more money training the next person).

This is good news and it’s bad news.

​The good news is two-fold; that we might be able to gain a proper understanding of why we are feeling so angry when we do, and that we can begin to manage the impact of our anger by assessing the validity of our beliefs before acting on our anger. I am convinced that if we could implement this extra step of assessment between the inciting event and the anger response, we give ourselves a chance to make better decisions and experience fewer disruptions in relationships.

The bad news is that we are efficiency experts when it comes to making practical sense of our inner experience. We are quick to implement an action that in some way relieves us of the discomfort connected to the core belief or fear that surfaces during an interaction. (Think about that middle finger reflex, or four letter instruction towards an errant driver). This is a kind way of saying that humans tends to be quite stubborn and cognitively lazy! Some are several decades into this life experiment, so to suggest unlearning dysfunctional habits and replacing them with concepts that are, to the individual unproven, could seem pretty daunting. The truth is, it’s not easy. It takes courage to make this kind of change, to put forth the kind of effort that may reveal ugly thought patterns, or embarrassing beliefs. But oh how often I’ve seen courage rewarded!

My encouragement is for you to lean into the discomfort of your anger.

It is important that anger does not control us or remain unchecked within us. We are all responsible for the actions we take in anger that impact others around us. But there is no condemnation in the reality of your anger. Anger is not a problem to be fixed, resolved, solved, or suppressed. It is not a sin to feel anger, and it’s not unnatural to find oneself upset in situations that are intensely disappointing. Our brains are wired in such a way that only in extreme unhealth or injury can one navigate the complexity of life and human relationships without experiencing this God-given emotion. More about the biology of anger later.

For now, just take a minute to check in with yourself, a parent, or your spouse. Have you hurt a loved one and you don’t even know why? Do you enjoy the energy that anger can offer you? Is it difficult to avoid the comment section on that site, even though you know how quickly those ugly interactions wreck you?

Maybe you could use a little help being curious about what those beliefs behind your anger are all about. Perhaps someone can sit with you and get to know even that dark part of you that you would never show others. Maybe their reaction will surprise you. Just maybe your clenched fist will relax a bit as the shame of your anger melts away. 

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Alex Vis is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor seeing clients at Elbow Tree in Saint Augustine and Jacksonville Beach. 
Schedule an appointment with Alex today!
VISIT Alex Vis PROFILE PAGE
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Preparing the Soil of the Soul with Bombs and Butterflies

12/28/2021

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I have been listening (and re-listening) to a fascinating podcast episode on Radiolab called “Of Bombs and Butterflies”. Maybe it will be as meaningful to you as it has been for me. 

Radiolab - Bombs and Butterflies Podcast

This podcast episode is exposing the resilience (not the presumed fragility) of a butterfly species that was becoming extinct. Mind-blowing! It’s about fostering an environment that promotes the flourishing of the Saint Francis Satyr butterfly. But as you’ll discover, it is about way more than bombs or butterflies. 
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Researchers discovered that this butterfly species was going extinct so they invited experts and the sharpest minds to help rebuild a fruitful habitat for this butterfly population to recover. Their multiple failed attempts revealed that this species of butterfly actually flourishes in an environment that has been devastated and blown apart on a military bomb site. The devastation of dropped bombs on this military base actually helped create an environment that is rich in the nutrients and elements that promoted the sustainable return of this endangered species. 

Why is this so important to consider? Suffering can prepare the soil of the soul for flourishing. If we adopt a binary approach to the experience of suffering, that is to say, suffering is only “bad”, then we may consequentially deny the gifts of our own devastation. Avoidance of suffering will result in the neglect and endangerment of our self and soul. 

What are the gifts of devastation? For the Saint Francis Satyr butterfly, bombs, fire and beavers contributed in the cultivation of the perfect habitat. Trees, vines, and grasses that would normally take over that ecosystem were bombed, burned or beavered out. In the human experience, suffering does tear some things down and the breakdown of those things will feed the soil of our lives. 

Everyone will encounter suffering. We do not necessarily need to go hunting for it but we also do not need to become numb to its presence either. 

Suffering does not always insinuate catastrophic circumstances. For some, suffering can come in the form of something as common as aging. When our bodies begin to break down due to neglect or aging, we come face to face with painful realities. For others, it can be devastating to retire, even with a full 401K of retirement plan.

​The feeling of no longer being needed in the same way can be awfully painful. Becoming empty nesters brings with the joy and pain of recalibrating when children live outside the family home. When kids go off to college, it can feel devastating to not have your son or daughter present to you in the same way you had once enjoyed. 


There are also deeply catastrophic experiences that can level us. A medical diagnosis, company layoffs, death of a child, evidence of spousal infidelity, sexual trauma, exposure to war, abuse or abandonment as a child, to a house fire are just a handful of experiences that can leave us feeling bombed out and burned to the ground. Suffering is not what makes us go extinct rather it is preparing the soil for our soul’s flourishing. 

In this podcast episode, the ecologist makes the comment that some butterflies had to die in order for the butterfly population to recover. Read that again. Some butterflies had to die in order for the butterfly population to recover. Death and resurrection. We all love resurrection but if I’m honest, I am not a huge fan of the dying part. 

We are being invited to enter into the death and devastation with resurrection eyes. 

Jesus enters into the human experience so vulnerably. He did not avoid the descent from heaven into the most vulnerable human form, a baby. He became known as a man acquainted with sorrow. He wept, as a baby learning to emotionally attach to his young mother and as adult being ripped away from all of his earthy attachments. 

Jesus allows the full weight of his own devastation to hit him in the chest. In his prayer life, the night before his own death, he confesses that he “can not drink the cup.” His honesty in the anticipating his own devastation is striking. Well, he does drink the cup and he does enter into the worst of the worst. His death was absolutely devastating. 

Jesus enters into his own devastation and he wants join you in yours. 
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St. Augustine Office
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ST. AUGUSTINE OFFICE
​
 
38 South Dixie Highway
Saint Augustine, FL 32084​


JACKSONVILLE BEACH OFFICE
​
 
408 4th Street North
Jacksonville Beach, FL 32250


MANDARIN OFFICE
​
 12724 Gran Bay Parkway West
Suite 410
​Jacksonville, FL 32258

FLEMING ISLAND OFFICE
​
 151 College Drive, Suite 6
Orange Park, FL 32065


Office | 904.559.1944     
Email | turnhere@elbowtreeflorida.com

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Jacksonville Beach Office
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Mandarin Office
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Fleming Island Office - Beginning September, 2023
*Elbow Tree Christian Counseling, LLC in St. Augustine, Jax Beach, Mandarin, Fleming Island is independently owned and operated. 

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